I (26F) have a relationship issue with my boyfriend (29M)
The last thing I would suggest is what I tell people all the time: adopt a mindset of “what makes you right for me?” when you’re meeting people. That is: your time in this life is limited and you want to minimize spending time on people who just aren’t right for you.
When you meet someone attractive, that’s literally all you know about them – that you think they’re cute or hot. That doesn’t make them a better person than you or someone who’s opinion is so important that you need to prove your worth before you’re “allowed” to be interested in them or whatever. You don’t want to enter into social interactions with the ideas that you’re already in the red and have to work to get to neutral; that’s a recipe for insecurity and anxiety. Instead, you want to come in with a curious mindset: what makes them tick, what do they have going for themselves and are they someone who’s ultimately compatible with you? Are they worth your time? Ideally, you want to go in with the overall hope that they are, but not so eager that you ignore or overlook deal breakers or signs that they’re not right for you.
It’s also worth remembering: most people who you’re likely to meet and date aren’t looking to disqualify you or find fault. They want this to work as much as you do. You’re partners in hoping this is going to be the last date you go on. Relationships are collaborations. They’re “here’s what I bring to the table, what do you bring and what happens when we put those together” – the jam band model, rather than an antagonistic one.
We have only been dating for 2 weeks, I’d rather we broke up when we stopped having feelings for each other than for some issues that might not even be related to our situation
Thank you for your insightful advice on the blog.