Giving yourself permission to take equal responsibility
Remembering the purpose of a date
What happens if we put the focus back on what’s important here… getting to know someone. Dating is really just about two people meeting up and having a chat. To get to know someone, all you need to bring is a sense of curiosity and an interest in another person – and you already have that if this is someone you want to date, right? Adjusting your focus like this and re-connecting with the purpose of dating releases so much pressure to begin with.
Limiting distractions
With the purpose of getting to know someone in mind, what do you think the best way to achieve that would be? Is it to put yourself in a situation where you’re panicking and not present with your date? Or would it be better to limit those uncomfortable distractions?
Let go of the idea that a date should involve going for a meal or a drink for a moment and think about situations and the places that you feel most comfortable and relaxed in. These are the situations where you’re going to be better able to show up as yourself.
Going at your own pace
We are huge advocates of taking a gentle ‘comfort zone stretch’ here at Quiet Connections. This basically means that you allow yourself to get uncomfortable -because that’s where the growth happens- but don’t throw yourself straight into the panic zone and freak yourself out! The traditional sit-down-meal date might be well into your panic zone; so you’ll want to work out what a less scary first step is going to be. You can download the workbook here to help you with this.
Even simply meeting up with your date will likely push you outside of your comfort zone to begin with, but with time your date can become someone you feel comfortable with and then you can introduce other challenges. So try picking a place or a situation that you feel comfortable in already and invite your date to join you there.
Choosing walking dates
For many of us, we feel at home in nature.
